Twelve Days of Christmas - the Grim Predicament of Appalling Presents

I’ve always had a bit of a thing about lyrics. Shoddily-written lyrics can put me off the whole song, no matter how appealing the melody. Ludicrous lyrics, on the other hand, can hold a certain fascination which brings me to this season’s subject: The Twelve Days of Christmas. Have you ever really thought about the lyrics, considered the effects of those gifts on the recipient? I have – and it’s a sobering thought.

Day 1: a partridge in a pear tree. Where I live in the tropical north of Queensland, both would expire from heat exhaustion within hours. That’s bad enough until you realise that a partridge and its accompanying pear tree is included in every one of the twelve days. This would be something of a disaster as the local council isn’t due to pick up green waste from our residential area for another two months – we could bury the bodies of the partridges but the storage of all those dead trees would be a problem.

Day 2: two turtle doves. We do have doves here, courtesy of homesick colonists no doubt, so the twenty-two of these (that’s two every day from day 2 to day 12) could be released into the wild to join with their immigrant brothers and sisters.

Day 3: three French hens. Now I can see possibilities for a deal here. I could give all thirty of them (days 3-12) to the nearby chicken farm in exchange for, say, free eggs…

Day 4: four colly birds. That’s right; it’s colly birds, not calling birds. The word ‘calling’ is a mondegreen, a misheard lyric that has survived all efforts to correct it (more about them in a later blog). Colly birds are blackbirds and we have plenty of those so all thirty-six of them (days 4-12) can go the way of the turtle doves and fly free.

Day 5: five gold rings. I always wondered why this line wasn’t golden rings as the extra syllable would fit comfortably with the rhythm of the song. But gold rings it is and, with gold prices being what they are today (I just checked), the sale of all forty (days 5-12) would bring in a very tidy sum!

Day 6: six geese a-laying. I wonder if the chicken farm down the road would accept all forty-two geese (days 6-12) as well? I’ll gift-wrap them.

Day 7: seven swans a-swimming. I trust that these would be black swans which are at least native to this country, unlike the fifty-eight introduced birds I’ve already released. If not, the Greens are going to be picketing my place in protest at the sudden and unwelcome introduction of a further forty-two (days 7-12) non-natives.

Day 8: eight maids a-milking. No! This will never do! While the backyard is fairly spacious, it would never accommodate forty cows (days 8-12) and anyway, I’m lactose-intolerant! I know, they can go to one of the cattle stations out west. The forty milk maids may be surplus to requirements though but, if they’re hell-bent on a rural vocation, they can always turn to fruit-picking; plenty of opportunities there.

Day 9: nine ladies dancing.
Day 10: ten lords a-leaping.
Day 11: eleven pipers piping.
Day 12: twelve drummers drumming.

So that’s a hundred people from the entertainment industry – thirty-six dancers (days 9-12), thirty leaping lords (days 10-12), twenty-two pipers (days 11-12) and twelve drummers. Well we can’t accommodate them all here; we only have the one spare room. Let’s see: Australia’s Got Talent is holding auditions soon so some can try their luck there; others can maybe hire themselves out for Christmas parties and the rest can busk their way around the country in the working holiday of a lifetime.

Right, that seems to be it. What an exhausting Christmas! If you have a present for me, save it for next year – unless it’s alcohol; I could do with a good stiff drink or several after all that!

Dreaming the Possible Dream

I’m sweet on L L Cool J. Surprisingly, it wasn’t his music but his Twitter bio that Catherine-wheeled a place into my heart. It says simply: EVERYONE DESERVES A SHOT AT GREATNESS. You can see it’s printed in caps and italics; you can feel it’s written in soul-deep passion. This is a man who sent every one of his million plus followers this tweet today: Love. This is a man who is not only living the dream but sharing the joy.

We all know about the dream. Whether you are living your dream or nurturing a secret dream, the dream is as intimate a part of us as our sweetest memory. We’ve heard every saying, quote, cliché and platitude about the dream: dream in colour, dream big, pursue your dream, believe and you will realise your dream. For each life, there is a dream and there is a journey. Singular. Solitary.

But the truth is that the journey, the striving to realise the dream, is never solitary. The six degrees of separation is a complex web of both overt and subtle connections, of cause and domino effect. As intimately individual and personalized as the dream is for each of us, the journey to realise it is peopled by friends, relatives and sometimes multitudes of people we’ve never met and will never meet. Thus, from time to time we are all a part of someone else’s dream, most times unknowingly, sometimes by choice.

When we choose to play a part in bringing another’s dream into being, we also nudge our own dream a step closer. If seeing is believing then taking action is tangible evidence that we have the power to create reality from dreams. It’s an awesome power, with the potency to move mountains, and there’s an exquisite pleasure in being a ripple that rolls on into a tidal wave of success.

Andrew Wishart is on a journey to realise his dream and he’s gathering hearts and tributes along the way in a reality he never expected. In a few short months he’s gone from the local comfort zone of family, friends and work colleagues to centre stage and national recognition. It’s been a heady ride and this is only the beginning.

He’s gathered followers along the way not only because he’s undeniably talented but because he’s one of us. His endearing personality has a charismatic quality borne out of natural honesty, emotional sincerity and dedication to his family and his music. He sings with such power and passion that even those not partial to his genre of music acknowledge that he has a remarkable voice. This is a man who deserves his shot at greatness.

He was the runner-up in The X Factor Australia 2011 in the closest ever finish between the top two. He doesn’t begrudge Reece Mastin his win; they’re mates and you always wish the best for your mates. But neither will he stop at being second.

As did each of the final four contestants, Andrew recorded a song for Sony, a song that was written for him. Sony, however, has only released the winner’s song but that doesn’t mean Andrew’s recording will gather dust forever more. A petition was set up; a petition of which Sony Music Australia is aware and watchful. If it accrues enough names, then they will be justified in releasing Andrew’s single.

It takes but a moment of time and a smidgen of effort to be a part of the force that is realising Andrew’s dream. Sign the petition and share it on your favourite social network or pass it on by word of mouth. Wherever you are, whoever you are, be a part of it so you can point out Andrew and say “I played a part in his success”. It’s an awesome power and a very special joy.

Click on: Andrew's Petition to sign it.

Follow Andrew on Twitter: @andrew_wishart

Folow L L Cool J on Twitter @llcoolj

But most of all, follow your dreams.