The X Factor Australia Eliminations: Week Nine

This is the ninth in a series reviewing The X Factor results shows. Weeks 1-8 can be accessed from the archives listed on the right. Please note that no contestant or judge/mentor was harmed in the writing of this blog. The RRSPXFCJ (Right Royal Society for the Protection of X Factor Contestants and Judges) was in attendance in the combined personages of ZZ Top though it was quickly evident that they had arrived courtesy of a wrong turning on their comeback trail. Since they were happily oblivious to The X Factor in any country, I got away completely unscathed this week – oh happy day!

The penultimate week of X Factor Australia 2011 was thematically labelled with the anything-goes “Pleasure and Pain”, a theme loaded with opportunities for superabundant puns ("it will be pain for one contestant this week and pleasure for three") and superlatives galore. It was therefore with a sense of heightened anticipation that the viewers awaited Luke Ozade’s opening gambit and were crushed by the first overwhelming pain of the night when he referred to this week’s episode simply as the semi-final. Oh sure, he repeated the term and stressed every syllable but repetition and emphasis are not the same as profuse exaggeration. It was a terrible let-down.

The contestants gamely carried on regardless of the implied down-grading of the show, with the exception of Rocky Robin who appears unaffected by anything including heavy hints and outright criticism. The judges, understandably in his case, don’t bother trying to offer anything constructive anymore. After his second song, which involved capering about like a jester-in-training from one sub-set to another and his almost overbalancing near the ‘spa’, he provided the judges with a ready-made distraction when he discarded his shirt. Thankful that they would not be required to judge the actual performance at all, the judges obligingly confined their comments to his physique and related issues, one of which was Rocky’s ambition to win a part on Home and Away, his reason for entering X Factor in the first place. Mel B drew Luke Ozade, who himself had failed to be re-signed by the soapy, into this part of the conversation, thereby subtly reminding him, and the viewers, of his abortive acting career, possibly in revenge for his reminding her that she was the first to lose all her contestants. So, at this crucial stage of the competition, Mel B and Luke Ozade are now one-all.

The other three contestants are the serious contenders. Ozzie Dadd had two goes at the pain part of the theme when he suffered from an incomprehensible song choice in his first performance but came back strongly with his rendition of Burn For You. Rocken Roller got up close and impersonal with the audience and avowed that he took criticism well despite all video evidence to the contrary. UN-3 provided audiences with the two most outstanding performances of the night both visually and vocally which, given Australian audience reaction to excellence (excellence happens to other nationalities) will probably go against them. Judges’ and mentors’ comments reflected various degrees of praise and pride with Dadd being the only one to receive any significant criticism – would this bring to an abrupt end his seamless record of no bottom two appearances?

The penultimate results show began uncharacteristically with the four remaining acts allowed to present a group performance without it being a mere support for one of the guest acts. Happily for Rocky and Rocken, group performances do not count against them in any way and the show quickly moved to a guest spot followed by the shepherding of all four acts onto the stage with their mentors in tow. No order particular in, Luke Ozade took painful pauses to the pinnacle of impatience in reading out the first two safe names: Ozzie Dadd and... Rocky Robin? Oh well, Australians are known for enjoying a joke, be it good, bad or mundane.

Rocken Roller and UN-3 were kept on tenterhooks for half the show which consisted of some twenty-four commercials interspersed with another couple of guest spots. Finally Luke Ozade showed them some mercy and announced UN-3 as the unlucky ones - yep, reaching the heights of excellence did them in and, with them, the last girl in the competition exited the show without even so much as an opportunity to give a farewell performance. One has to wonder at that decision but at least UN-3 didn't leave us wondering - they're the real deal alright and an international career beckons. In their interviews the following day, all three members gave equal praise to the three grand finalists, were grateful for the opportunities the show had given them and optimistic about the future. In short, they were relaxed, personable and light-hearted, the perfect guests.

Next week is Ultimate Week; the All-Male final Final; the Grand Final Parts One and Two. All twelve finalists will reunite and try to hide the fact that it is an all-male final Final, and there will be two eliminations to dread/look forward to, depending on your current fan position. One can only hope that in this, the show’s last gasp, Luke Ozade’s script writer has been directed to opportunistically load as many hyperbolic superlatives as possible onto his auto-cue or suffer brutal consequences (I'm happy to offer suggestions). Your faithful correspondent, as always, lives in hope.