The X Factor Australia Eliminations: Week Five

This is the fifth in a series reviewing The X Factor results shows. Weeks 1-4 can be accessed from the archives listed on the right. Please note that no contestant or judge/mentor was harmed in the writing of this blog. The RRSPXFCJ (Right Royal Society for the Protection of X Factor Contestants and Judges) was in attendance in the form of Ian Dury (in an unheralded and unlikely comeback) with a short, sharp rhythm stick (the stitches come out next week).

There were dramatic scenes at The X Factor auditorium last night as Luke Ozade read painstakingly down the list of contestants to arrive at the inevitable: the bottom two. It was a man-sized tissue occasion of highs and lows with squeals of joy from Nat B as each of her contestants was declared ‘safe’ and tears of dread anticipation from Mel B’s sole survivor as she contemplated a fate that wasn’t to be – yes, Chicky Babe was also safe and in a state of near collapse with relief.

But then, with barely enough time to recover from this roller coaster of emotions, realisation seeped from the subconscious to the conscious as judges and viewers alike stared in disbelief at the remaining two acts. How could this be, Australia? Both performances had earned standing ovations from all four judges the night before yet here they stood; the two acts with the least amount of votes! That such talent could be consigned to the bottom of the barrel organ was stark evidence indeed of the capricious irrationality of voters, and enough to have your average politician weep tears of joy.

Yo’ Mo’ Shufflin and Diggles, while light years apart in genre, do share two similarities: neither was the worst performer the night before and both attracted a substantial audience among the very very young. Brought up on a steady diet of Wake Up Jeff and Hot Potatoes, the modern, sophisticated Australian tiny has become hooked on the block colours of The Wiggles’ shirts and their signature gestures and it was a small step from there for them to be able to identify with the colourful costumes and energetic dance moves of YoMo. They also identify with the avant garde youth of Diggles because of his “zaniness”, all toddlers being naturally zany themselves.

Both appealed to the judges as well, each of whom expressed their incredulity at finding these two acts before them. Their respective mentors voted to keep their respective acts as expected while Mel B almost reluctantly voted to send Diggles home. Nat B dithered in an agony of indecision before finally choosing to send YoMo home, thereby forcing the deadlock that allowed the public to decide instead, an extraordinary decision in light of the fact that all four judges had just agreed that the voters just hadn't got it right this week.

Now it was a toss-up between the two fan bases to see which of the tiny groups still had the resources to record multiple votes on their home phones. For some, of course, mummy and daddy had received the phone bill, bloated to the GNP level of several small countries by the extravagance of devotion displayed by their offspring in previous weeks, and those tinys were now unable to bypass the new phone lock. Which of the two camps had the greater number of those tinys whose parents were as yet blissfully unaware, was anyone’s guess.

In the end, it was YoMo who were the luckless ones. They took the shuddering disappointment of their departure with a maturity of someone the sum of their ages (er, that would be someone in their mid 60s or thereabouts – arithmetic fails me at this emotional time).

In interviews the following day, the guys put on three brave faces and let their natural humour shine through. Fans posted and tweeted their dismay at their loss from the competition and everyone wished them well for the future.

Your faithful correspondent now has a scant six days to recover from this emotionally draining drama before facing up to the next electrically-charged elimination show.